In the process of self-exploration, I discovered that a huge obstacle to development, personal growth, acceptance and understanding of the true self is guilt. In addition, if you feel guilty about something, then your subconscious intention to punish yourself will automatically turn on, and as a result, you will feel worthless, unworthy, not deserving of what you would like for yourself. And you will attract circumstances in which you will be punished, and delay the fulfillment of your desires for who knows how long. In addition, guilt is an excellent means of manipulation. In very many cases, this is the key point, why things go wrong in life. Therefore, it makes sense to consider this topic in detail.

Here is what Alexander Pint writes in his book “From a caterpillar to a butterfly or the Way to yourself”: Guilt stems from a sense of duty. Debt is the idea that someone owes someone: a child owes parents, parents owe their parents, and so on. The family is the cell of society. It is no coincidence that such a comparison arose. This is true, because through the family the state promotes an idea without which it cannot live - the idea of ​​duty.

If the idea of ​​conscious duty is introduced into a person, then he can be controlled, so to speak, remotely, at a distance. Because if he doesn't duty then he feels guilty. This is a terrible thing - guilt. It is like a hook for a fish, by which it can be dragged anywhere.

Imagine that you have swallowed a hook, it has stuck to your tongue, and some person is pulling it towards him. He just needs to pull a little, and you instantly have a huge pain in the tongue, and you just run after him. Moreover, you don’t even need to pull later, because it is enough to tell you: "I'll pull it now", and you are already running . And that's what everyone has. Duty to this, duty to that, duty to the Motherland, duty to parents, duty to family, duty to people, duty to business.

* Natalia Severskaya about guilt. It is especially recommended for viewing for those whose mother is a very domineering woman:

The man is in debt. And these are the same hooks for which you can pull. Can we talk about some freedom? Is it possible to talk about some free vision ? What does a person see who has a hook hooked to his tongue, and someone pulls on it? Does he see anything but this hook? What will he pay attention to? All his attention will be drawn to the danger associated with the hook, the fishing line and the one who holds it. Will he pay attention to something else? Is he able to pay attention to something else? After all, if now he is pulled by the hook, can you imagine what he will experience in connection with this?

Can a person who has several such hooks in his language have any free opinion? Can he manage himself at all? He can’t even raise his head, because if he raises his head, then the fishing line will stretch, and the hook will stick into his tongue.

And here is what Vadim Zeland says in Reality Transurfing:
Feelings of guilt are imposed on us from childhood. This is a very convenient method of manipulation. : "If you are guilty, you must do what I say." Living with guilt is very uncomfortable, so they try to get rid of it. And how can you get rid of it? be punished, or work off the blame. Both imply submission, obedience and the work of thoughts in a certain direction. The penalty for feeling guilty will always be some form of punishment. If it is not, then punishment may not follow. A sense of duty is a special case of guilt. Must, then something is obliged, guilty to perform. As a result, the "guilty", both true and far-fetched, wander with bowed heads and bring their tribute to others in the form of energy that they could spend on creating their desired reality.

Suggested guilt is the favorite weapon of manipulators. The induced feeling of guilt, that is, brought in from the outside by the “right” people, creates a potential in the square, since a person’s conscience is already tormented, and then the wrath of the righteous comes down. And finally, unreasonable guilt associated with the innate tendency to be "responsible for everything" creates the highest excess potential. In this case, you should not feel remorse at all - after all, the reason is simply far-fetched. A guilt complex can ruin your life , because a person is constantly exposed to the action of balancing forces, that is, to all kinds of punishments for imaginary faults. That is why there is such a saying: "Impudence is the second happiness." As a rule, balancing forces do not touch people who are not tormented by remorse.

*Psychologist Olga Orlova about the mechanism of guilt and what it is fraught with:

Guilt necessarily generates a scenario of punishment, and without the knowledge of your consciousness. In accordance with this scenario, the subconscious mind will lead you to retribution. At best, you will cut yourself, or get minor bruises, or some problems will appear. At worst, it could be an accident with dire consequences. That's what guilt does. It carries only destruction in itself, there is nothing useful and creative in it. No need to torment yourself with remorse - this will not help the cause. It’s better to do so so that you don’t feel guilty later. And if it has already happened, it is pointless to suffer in vain, no one will get better from this.

As mentioned earlier, guilt serves as a thread that manipulators can pull on a person. Manipulators- these are people who act according to the formula: "You must do what I say, because you are guilty" or "I am better than you, because you are wrong." They try to impose guilt on their “ward” in order to gain power over him. or for self-assertion. Outwardly, these people look "correct". For them, it has long been established what is good and what is bad. They always say the right words, so they are always right. All their actions are also impeccably correct.

However, it must be said that not all the right people are prone to manipulation. Why do manipulators need to teach and manage? It is due to the fact that in their souls they are constantly tormented by doubts and uncertainty. They skillfully hide this internal struggle both from others and from themselves. The absence of an inner core, which really right people have, pushes manipulators to self-affirmation at the expense of others. The need to teach and manage arises from the desire to strengthen one's position by belittling the ward. As soon as someone has expressed a willingness to take on the feeling of guilt, the manipulators immediately stick and begin to suck energy.

In order not to fall under their influence, you just need to give up feelings of guilt. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone and you don't owe anything to anyone. If there really is guilt, you can be punished, but only don't be guilty . Do you owe anything to your loved ones? Also no. After all, you care for them out of persuasion, and not under duress? This is a completely different matter. Give up the tendency to justify, if any. Then the manipulators will understand that there is nothing to hook you on, and they will leave you alone.

By the way, guilt is the root cause of an inferiority complex . If you experience inferiority in any way, then this inferiority is determined In comparison with others . An investigative process is initiated, where you yourself act as a judge over yourself. But it only seems that you are the judge. Actually something else is going on. Initially, you are predisposed to take the blame - no matter what. Simply, in principle, agree to be guilty. And if so, you agree that you can be a defendant and be punished. By comparing yourself to others, you allow them to take the right to have superiority over you. Notice you gave them that right let others believe they are better than you! They most likely do not think so, but you yourself have decided so and act as a judge of yourself on behalf of others. It turns out that they are judging you, because you yourself put yourself on trial.

How to get rid of guilt?

Guilt arises when we didn't do something we thought we should have done. If you didn't have the idea that you owe something, or that you ought to be such and such, then there would be no feeling of guilt. This is the mechanism of this feeling. Therefore, if you really want to get rid of guilt, you need to understand and see how you generate in yourself the idea that you owe something and how it makes you feel guilty.

"I should. I must". Why do you think you should? As long as you think so, there will be a feeling of guilt. What does a person usually do when faced with this? It's a very heavy feeling. He tries to do his duty even better in order not to feel guilty. But that doesn't get rid of guilt. After all, the one in relation to whom you do this will want more and more, because, the more you do, the more claims there will be. The more you do, the more expectations there will be. It's endless. This debt grows indefinitely. What to do? How to be?

In general, it is very sad that you have to do something based on what you must. After all, this is what makes relationships hell. When a person allows himself to see his relationships, for example, with close people, then he can see that those whom he “loved” most of all, as he believed, he “hates” most of all. Why is this happening? It is close people who have the most difficult relationships, as they spill everything on each other. And at the same time, they, so to speak, must "love" each other . What kind of love can be in need? How is this possible? But that's how people generally live. In absurdity. But duty and love are different concepts. Where there is duty, there is guilt, and where there is guilt, there is no place for love.

To solve this puzzle, simply take back your right to be yourself and get off the dock. No one will dare to judge you if you do not consider yourself guilty. Only you can willingly give others the privilege of being your judges. Simple enough allow yourself to live according to your own credo . If you allow yourself to be yourself, the need to justify yourself will disappear, and the fear of punishment will dissipate. Then a truly amazing thing will happen: no one will dare to offend or reproach you for anything. And then you will be able to manage your life as your heart tells you, and not be a weak-willed puppet in the hands of manipulators.

Content

Many men simply never apologize, they do not know how to speak words of love and ask for forgiveness. Every woman knows how unpleasant and insulting it is when her husband, after another quarrel, is not going to ask for forgiveness.

A bit of science

Research scientists show that the brains of women and men think differently, from birth. For example, an increased amount of the hormone estrogen in women makes them more emotional, which cannot be said about men. As a result of the action of this hormone, they form different thinking and behavior. From the very birth, girls are distinguished by their abilities, for example, in the first days of their lives they are able to distinguish children's crying from extraneous noise. In addition, they react more strongly to children's cries and moans, unlike boys. Girls develop faster and therefore, at 4 months of age, they react to photographs of people they know.

The male brain differs from the female in its structure, it is 10% larger. Therefore, men easily and quickly cope with logical puzzles, construction and work in measurements. This suggests that their right hemisphere is much better developed than women. But women do not lag behind in their abilities, thanks to a strong connection between the hemispheres of the brain, the fair sex quickly processes the information that they receive from both hemispheres at once. This is both intuition and logic. All these studies show that a man and a woman are different people, so they simply cannot behave the same way and think the same way.

The right approach to a man

To make a young man show emotions, think and feel guilty, a woman must learn to use the above in practice. The fact is that from childhood, men live by the principle: “Less words, more deeds!”. They give more importance to deeds than to words. This principle also applies to relationships, a man believes that he cannot ask for forgiveness after a quarrel, as he can shake his status, his courage. He cannot admit his guilt and, as a result, shows complete unwillingness to go to reconciliation first.

The male gender does not use apologies to re-establish contact with relatives or loved ones, this is the prerogative of women. Therefore, in order for him to understand his guilt, to assess the situation, he needs to be given some time after the quarrel. The fact that he changed his mind, his actions will tell. When a young man admits his guilt, he tries to help the woman around the house, thus expressing his apologies to her. You should not immediately demand more, this is already an achievement, because the husband has accepted his guilt and is trying to atone for it.

Over time, family relationships are strengthened, trust and mutual understanding increase, so a man can admit his guilt and ask for forgiveness even during a quarrel. In family relationships, wisdom must be shown, because guilt oppresses a man the most and gives him great discomfort. Only a woman can consolidate the current situation, who will thank him for trying to fix everything and for the fact that her beloved husband asked for forgiveness, admitted his guilt.

It is important for a man to know that his wife appreciates him in any situation, even if they quarreled.

After another quarrel, the husband does not always understand that in this situation there is also his fault. A woman always has her own point of view, which very rarely coincides with the male opinion. For some wives, it is important that the husband act according to this point of view. But first, he should explain and tell him what he is doing wrong, the logic should be supported by arguments and facts. A man may agree with the conclusions, but not everyone wants to overpower himself and ask for forgiveness. In some situations, it is enough for a woman that he understood her.

But, there are also cases when a man, even after the arguments given, does not agree with the opinion of a woman. He has his own moral foundations and principles, he, of course, is an independent person and has every right to own his own opinion. It is bad if this opinion cannot be even slightly changed. Many women act wisely and leave their husband alone with his right.

In the case of a caring and loving young man, it's simple. In order to make him apologize, the girl is enough to get upset or cry. If a young man loves, he will do anything to calm his beloved. He will give flowers, sweets, shower her with compliments and ask for forgiveness for any of his ugly deeds.

Men who have the spirit of chauvinism are hard to unbalance with tears alone. There may be a backlash, the guy will get angry and be even more confident. In such a relationship, the girl needs to behave differently.

You can achieve an apology in a calm way, if you talk and tell that the man did wrong, describe your emotions. The guy can be sure that he is right, but it is necessary to point out his mistakes, and even better, use a good example. He will not immediately apologize, he needs time to think about the offense, to understand his mistakes, then he will understand everything himself. If you demand an apology by force, then he will resist and disagree.

After realizing his mistake, the man will try to find the culprit, a smart woman, using all the advantages of her beloved, will help him figure out the situation.

Even the most difficult character can be brought under control. A calm conversation and analysis of the mistakes made will help a man admit that sometimes he is wrong. That's when the moment will come when he will ask for forgiveness from his beloved. The trouble with modern young people is that some of them prefer to break off relations with a girl than to ask her for forgiveness for their mistakes.

Causes of the problem

There are some reasons why a guy does not admit his guilt and, of course, does not consider it necessary to apologize.

• If a man admits his mistakes, then this will be a strong blow for him, which will affect not only self-esteem, but also pride. He can understand in his soul and understand that he is to blame, but he will never openly agree with this.
• Unlike women, men cannot share their experiences or joys, they do not like to show their emotions. This is a psychological feature of every young person, they keep all their emotions and experiences in themselves. A husband or boyfriend can reveal himself only in an exceptional situation, for example, when something terrible has happened, and they are afraid of losing their soulmate.
• Both are always to blame for the conflict, but most women try to shift all responsibility onto the man. That is why, they leave the conversation, because they are sure that they cannot avoid criticism and condemnation. Despite all the restraint, men are vulnerable creatures, like other people, they are easy to offend with words.

The feeling of guilt is one of the most destructive for a person. Each of us at least once, but experienced it. On the one hand, there is an external factor that influences us, and on the other hand, our inner self does not agree with this influence. An external factor should be understood as the social environment, namely another person or people.
Guilt is a SOCIAL concept, because only being in society and interacting with other people can we experience it.
For guilt to arise, the Other is always needed:

• Oh, you didn't buy me a new toy... then I don't need anything at all!
• Here, you sit at work until late at night! You never have time for your family! You don't love us at all!
• You're refusing me for the third time! If you don't have time and you're so busy, then see you in the next life! Etc.

Such and similar statements in our direction are intended to sow in us a sense of guilt and discomfort. It is impossible to say with 100% certainty that others put pressure on us on purpose and purposefully make us feel guilty. Most of the time, people do this unconsciously. It is unlikely that your child deliberately makes you uncomfortable by asking for a toy in the store that you cannot afford for financial reasons. It is unlikely that a loving husband works at work for days, does this in order to demonstrate to you your uselessness. It is unlikely that the person who wanted to see you deliberately offends you with his own refusal to meet.

These examples only indicate that someone has a need to get something from you. Due to some circumstances (lack of opportunity/desire/meaning), you cannot/do not want/do not consider it necessary to satisfy this person in his/her desire.

You received the message - you were voiced the need. After the message, your reaction should follow. As with Pavlov's dogs - there is a stimulus, there must be a reaction. And the reaction after sending can be the following:

• Satisfy the need of the Other without guilt;
• Satisfy another's need with guilt;
• Refuse to satisfy the needs of the Other without feeling guilty;
• Refuse to satisfy the needs of the Other with a sense of guilt.

Obviously, an adequate response to the need of the Other will be either "yes" or "no" without guilt.

This means that you understand the desire of another person, but you can refuse him (you have the right to do so and allow him to use it) without self-flagellation and worrying about his emotional reaction to your refusal.

Unfortunately, most people in the post-Soviet space react differently to the desires of Others. Namely, the emergence of a sense of guilt for the implementation / non-realization of the desires and needs of other people.
The fact is that our upbringing is permeated through and through with a sense of guilt that our parents unconsciously place on us. "Here! I gave you my life! I denied myself everything! And now you are behaving like that with your mother!” or “I raised you, now you owe me a coffin!” Familiar?

Our parents and their parents lived in such conditions of all sorts of hardships (wars, hunger strikes, food restrictions, lack of work, etc.) that it was really heroic work to feed and raise a child. And it's hard to argue with that. But when parents accuse their children (remembering their hardships for the sake of their children, total savings on themselves in order to buy a coat for their child for the winter, etc.) that they had a difficult life and these difficulties coincided with the time of the child’s birth, children feel guilty.

The child grows up in the belief that mom and dad were or are ill because he was born and hangs around their necks. And since parents are gods in every respect, they are good and correct, which means that the child must repay the debt in the form of the expectations voiced by the parents.

And so we grow from generation to generation with the conviction that the happiness of others depends on us. With a destructive attitude that we are responsible for the choice of other people, even the closest and most significant. With a sense of duty and the principle of life "First to others, and then to yourself, what remains."
Guilt, in addition to responsibility for others, has another facet - it's your own feeling of unworthiness. It is unworthy and wrong to be happy, to live according to your own needs and desires, to rejoice, to give up unnecessary things if others cannot or do not want to. This is the post-Soviet principle “Be like everyone else and keep your head down!”. And who wants to be a white crow?

So a man sits in his fourth decade of his life, raised by one mother, who got pennies with blood and sweat and chokes on a sense of guilt for wanting to start a family and leave his mother. And how to leave if she has pressure? Who will take care? “She’s everything to me, but here I wanted something from life for myself ...” It’s not allowed. Guilty.
The main feature of the feeling of guilt is the responsibility for the Other. It seems to the person that he is responsible for the other person's reaction to his refusal or unwillingness to satisfy the need of another. But it's not.

Every day we make our choice: what to eat, with whom to communicate, where to work, with whom to sleep, how to raise children, etc. THIS IS OUR CHOICE. If you buy your child those things that hit the pocket, and for this you deny yourself elementary things, who is responsible for this? A child who naturally wants to have something? Or you, the adult who has made the decision to deny yourself and satisfy the desire of the child at any cost? If the latter, then the child has nothing to do with it.

Naturally, when we are refused, we get angry, annoyed, we try in every possible way to achieve what we want. Although our emotional reactions to rejection are our resources and opportunities. Opportunities to assess the adequacy of the need, look for another way to get what you want, take responsibility for the fact that the need has not yet been satisfied, etc. And when we treat failure in this way, placing responsibility on ourselves, we get a chance to act and achieve results, and not suffer and blame others for our failures.

Bring on a sense of responsibility

Guilt is driven by excessive responsibility and control. It seems to a person that he can and SHOULD make everyone urgently happy. If it does not work out, then the person feels guilty before the one who failed to do good.

In order to make such a super-responsible person feel guilty, you need to put pressure on his “sore spot”:

- Nikolai Petrovich! Well, who else can do it, except you?!
— Nina Stepanovna! You are such a talented employee of the Housing Office! Without you, we would have worn out and could not organize a public subbotnik ever! Could you hire my sister in your department? She is so smart.

Here it is important to refuse and not use any logical argument, but only “blurring” the eyes with the help of another person’s sense of duty, his excessive responsibility, at the basis of which the feeling of guilt is hidden.

threaten

Causing guilt is elementary manipulation as the best means to quickly achieve what you want. We often unconsciously use it:

On a walk:

Kolya, go home immediately! Or do you want me to freeze my feet and die?

The next day:

“Mom, why are you asking for cleanliness?” Your screams hurt my ears, they can fall off. Do you want this?

If you want to control others, you should use this trick consciously. If you want to get something from another person, tell him in ANY way about what he will lose if he does not do it your way. At the same time, the deprivation must be significant for the person.

Manipulations about health work best (“Get that fly out, otherwise I’ll have a heart attack!”), About merit and deprivation in the past (“I put my life on you - throw out the trash!”), Financial (“You are an unemployed nonentity, don’t worth nothing, but for the good memory of your mother, I will lend you money”), etc.

Manipulate your sacrifice

be offended, especially demonstratively

This trick is most often used by women to maintain family relationships, which are built, in fact, on the guilt of a man. A woman in this case acts as a victim and sufferer, who endures all the sins of her man and defiantly “forgives” them.

By “forgiveness”, she understands those benefits (rings, cars, promises, travel, money, staying in a family, etc.) that a man is ready to bestow on his woman, only to forgive the villain. And a woman forgives a lot: betrayal, games, beatings, etc. , after which he gets what he wants.

Take offense in the form of "if you ... then I would ..."

be offended, especially demonstratively, is a great way to induce guilt. At the same time, it is important, again, to shift the responsibility to the person:

- Now, if you earned more, I would not wear the same boots for the 4th winter in a row!
“If he really loved me, he would have got rid of his friend before the wedding!”

Assess the personality of the other in the form of "I didn't think you were like this..."

Another good way to make a person feel guilty is to vocalize that they didn't live up to your expectations. At the same time, the person knew about your expectations in general - it does not matter:

“I would never have thought that you could be so wicked…”
"I didn't know you were so mean to me..."

Such “statements” make the interlocutor feel guilty towards you and ask for forgiveness.

This weekend I will be doing the Runway training and am currently working on the program. This training will be enriched with a new segment - "relationships" and we will work out the main types of manipulation that can be used against us. Manipulation is the strongest distraction of a person from him, and therefore any person should be able to recognize manipulation at the very beginning of communication with the manipulator, so as not to turn off his path.

Hard and soft manipulation

There are two types of manipulation: hard and soft. Rigid manipulation is when the manipulator is active during a conversation and the initiative comes from him. We have developed a little immunity to this type of manipulation and simply move away from communicating with high-energy people. We understand that he needs something. We don't know what, but it's dirty, so we eliminate the risk: "Sorry, I have to go..."

Soft manipulation, weaker in nature, but strength lies in weakness. We forget that this is manipulation, we lose our guard and completely succumb to insidious tricks. During soft manipulation, the manipulator assumes a supposedly passive position, and thus manipulates our actions.

In detail, both types of manipulation will be analyzed using case studies at the training, and for my readers away from Moscow, I will briefly describe one of the types of mild manipulation - the imposition of guilt.

Guilt Manipulation Examples

Religion

Guilt is one of the oldest elements of manipulation on earth. It is used by all religions of the world. Are you familiar with the phrase: “We are all sinners!”? Familiar? So you need to go to confession or repentance. After repentance, you may be told what to do. Noticed? You are told what to do! Yes, and as if you yourself need it. At all times, the church has used guilt as a reliable element in controlling the actions of the people.

Relations between a man and a woman

The guys, no doubt, met the type of girl - "easily touchy." Yes, and girls stumble upon such male gifts, from which you will blow off dust particles, and he will complain: “You blew painfully!”. Resentment is a way to make the other person feel guilty. So you can make him do what you want. Did she offend him? Therefore, if she wants to continue her relationship with him, she will have to repay the debt - and the “dance to the tune of resentment” has begun. Many play offended Pierrot unconsciously. As children, it was the only way to get any dose of love from their parents, and it worked. And if it worked, then why stop? So they continue to be offended.

Tip along the way: choose a partner (boy or girl) from whom parents did not withhold love and he did not have to squeeze it out drop by drop, with his tears of resentment (holding love is a separate issue, do not confuse it with dislike. Read more about keeping love on the “Runway ” in the parenting section).

Propaganda

self-image

"Imposter syndrome" - a syndrome of a fraudster. No matter how much a person achieves in life, it always seems to him that he is not worthy of either money or fame. The problem lies in the distorted self-image, of course, but this is not about that. A person with “fraudster syndrome” develops a feeling of guilt that causes him to give almost all the money he earns to charity. Very often, the desire to help is a disguised feeling of guilt instilled in a person by a charitable organization: “When you sit down at a table in an expensive restaurant, do you think about the children who did not sleep that night because of hunger?” And the check is signed!

Guide to action

Imposed guilt is just one form of gentle manipulation that can be used to tell us to “Stop doing what you are doing and start doing what I want you to do!”. If you find yourself in a situation in which they try to make you feel guilty, immediately tell your interlocutor: “ I'm sorry, you're not trying to make me feel guilty.?” They will tell you: "No, what are you," but then your interlocutor will again take the previous line of conversation. Stop him again and ask the same question again: "I'm sorry, you're not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?" Remember, the other person often makes you feel guilty unconsciously, this is his manner of communication (manipulation) since childhood, and it will take a long time to wean him from this habit. Sometimes you even have to end the relationship.

Finally

Our decisions are never made in “sterile conditions” and always reflect the opinions of our environment. Make sure that your environment helps you achieve your goals, and does not try to force you to achieve their goals through one of the mild manipulation methods - guilt imposed on you.

If a person does not care and he just enjoys life in this way, then he will still continue to do the same. He may hurt you again or hurt someone else. If you want him to know how much you hurt, show it.

Guilt is a very strong emotion, if a person, of course, feels it.

Many people ignore guilt. They are unwilling to admit that they did something wrong. They simply do not pay attention to it, even forget about it later if no one reminds them. But it is very important for people to feel it.

Because guilt can teach lessons. The more a person worries about this, the more he realizes what he has done. And those who ignore guilt often repeat the same mistakes, only each time their “pranks” manifest themselves in an uglier and more “toxic” way.

How to Make Someone Feel Guilty So They Realize

You need to make the person feel guilty. But what can hurt you even more is when the person doesn't care at all. This is often the result of his ignorance. If you really want to make someone feel guilty, here's how to do it.

Define your feeling

You can't cry out in pain if you don't know how much it hurts. Are you angry? Offended? Do you want to hurt this person?

You really need to think about the emotions that are swirling around in your head so that you can pinpoint exactly what they are. Once you recognize them, you can reason about why this person made you feel this way. Only then can you work on making him feel guilty.

Take the time to make a plan

You can't walk up to someone and start screaming about how much you've been hurt. It almost never works and ends up looking like crazy. And do you really think that a person will feel guilty when he is shouted about it in his face?

No. You should take some time to put together a plan of action in the first place. Sit down and think better about how to get the attention of this person so that you can talk to them about important things. Once you understand how you feel and what you want to say, you can move on to the next step.

Present your arguments

Just do it, but not aggressively. The person will already begin to feel guilty when you tell him about your pain. Nobody wants to admit that he upset someone. And so he will avoid you if you start making accusations.

Instead, make sure you are in a calm state and can talk about things in a civilized way. Even if you are really angry at heart, try to look nice and adequate on the outside so that you can really hook the person before they get defensive.

Make the person feel like they belong in the situation

Often people do not feel guilty because they cannot understand what their fault is. This misunderstanding arises from the fact that they consider themselves not involved in the fact that you are hurt. To fix this, you must talk to them in a way that they can understand.

Therefore, explain the situation in an accessible, understandable way. Analogies are great for this as you paint the same situation in a new light. So the person will understand better.

Let him see that you are hurting

It's okay to show your pain. You don't have to force yourself to hide it. If you want to cry, then cry. Show the person how much pain they have caused you.

However, control yourself so that he does not think that you are very dramatic. Trying to hide how you really feel will make the person think you are cheating. And all the stories about how much it hurts you will be perceived as a farce.

Draw his attention to you

It's not always helpful to indulge in drama, but some people need it. Sometimes you literally have to go crazy to get the attention of the offender. So put on a show. If you haven't been able to reach him in any other way, this may be your only option.

Once you realize you've got his attention, slow down. Try to make sure that he understands what you are getting at. Otherwise, he will just get angry and refuse to listen to you.

Treat him accordingly

You were in pain. The person did something bad to hurt you, and you should treat them accordingly. You may not even want to talk to him afterwards. Treat him like he did something terrible and you don't like it.

Avoid him and even insult him if necessary. Some people need this kind of "treatment" or they won't realize how badly they've done. If you act the same as always, they will think that you have not been harmed, that everything is fine.

Talk about it logically

Don't talk about yourself all the time, discussing why you're hurting. Describe what happened logically. Take yourself out of this equation. Show that someone was hurt in this situation, and it's not just you.

Some people think that the person is just too sensitive and doesn't hurt as much as they make it out to be. A logical explanation for why you feel this way can help them understand that your sensitivity isn't the problem.

Talk seriously and find out the opinion of the offender

Most people just want the other to feel guilty, that's all. They do not care what prompted them to such actions.

But you must. Maybe the person didn't even want to hurt you. So let him speak. Listen to him before attacking with your grievances. You will be able to understand much more than if you use any other method.

Come to terms with the fact that he doesn't care

You cannot change everyone. Some people, no matter how hard you try, will never admit they did wrong. They immediately become defensive and don't care who they hurt.

You can't expect someone to feel guilty, always. After a while, you will realize that they really do not care and they will never admit their guilt. Live your life and don't let yourself hold back your feelings.

This information will help you open the eyes of the offender and show how painful and unpleasant what he did. It may not be easy for you, but if you want to stay close to this person, it's worth teaching them a lesson.